i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
