if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
