dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
