I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
