I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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