I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
