he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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