Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
