yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
