I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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