you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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