I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
