he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
