Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
