I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
