just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize