I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
