Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
