If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
