After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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