you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
