Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
