Its about making memories worth repressing
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
