I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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