My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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