my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
