How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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