Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
