It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
