mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
