So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
