it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
