i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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