i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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