I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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