May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
