smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I stole a fireplace last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
