Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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