Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
