At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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