Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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