I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
