Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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