just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
