Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
