Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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