1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
God, I missed his penis.
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