Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
