I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
