So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
