mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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