I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
