dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
