Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
