A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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