You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
