the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
