I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
