All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
