What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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