We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize