I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
