The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize