I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
